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Sufferer

by Sufferer

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    Design/Layout by Forrest Wright

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1.
Chapter I 01:23
If I’m happy in dreams but it fades with the day... Is it gone? Is it gone? Is it gone? If I chase it, fall asleep and pray I never have to wake... Is it wrong? Am I wrong? Am I wrong? The moment has passed, something whispers, the dream has decayed… Is it God? Are you God? If you’re God… Deliver me, carry me, leave me alone, let me sleep I can’t tell what I want
2.
Chapter II 02:28
If I could fall back to sleep, just for a second If I could just close my eyes, when will I... Wake the fuck up Don't wake up hopeful, it won't stay Don't plan your day out, things will change No, nothing's constant but some things still feel like they are And those don't go away Don't move Don't stray an inch from your fucking room Though the world is vast, it has no place for you It has no place for weak-willed attention-seeking victims You're better off kept to yourself They all know I know it's private I know it doesn't last, it's just a frame of mind and I can hide it I know if people ask or if they start to sense that I seem withdrawn I can deny it If you deny it, it just comes back Shows on your face, in the way that you act If you deny it, it just comes back Shows in your voice when your words start to... Crack the door wide open (Leave it shut) Take a step Take a breath Just suck it all up (You're bound to fuck it all up) There's an audience watching and They all know I I slip through crowds and cities, pass through like vapor Please don't take notice, meet my gaze or remark I'm only trying not to stand out Or cross a line (Once you cross the line, it crosses you out) I tear through every wall as though it were paper I hunt you down and hold your face to the mirror Is it distorted has it twisted your features They all know Stay in Where the walls can contain you Stay in Where the covers protect you (no one’s coming to get you) Stay in Where the doors never open Stay in No one's coming to get you
3.
Chapter III 04:24
Breaking through the normalcy The panic makes its entrance New glass upon the floor, it only mingles with the old How can I feel so fucking guarded And be totally defenseless Parts of me are burning Parts of me are cold A part of me feels so goddamn apart from me It's scaring me Try to pull myself together Gain composure Take a breath and just hold it, hold it Now exhale I am in control and if I wait, the feeling passes Now hold up, just hold up Though this newly founded confidence is admirable It's tattered and it's frayed and now it's standing in my way So just cut the act No one has their life together No one has it figured out But they all make the best of it while you take the worst parts and Stitch them all together Make an effigy and stick it full of pins so you'll remember You're in this alone You made yourself a martyr And it feels so good to fall on the sword It feels so good to fall on the sword But what the fuck are we falling for Breaking through the confidence The panic grabs a hold of my neck And drags me through the shatters closer to the door Whether it's an entrance or an exit is up to you, it mentions Parts of me are screaming Some part of me can't make out a word I can't make out a word I can't make out a word Paranoid and nauseous, I collapse We’ve got him right where we want him Keep it up, keep it up, keep it up now Tear his fucking heart from his chest Right out Make a run for it Salvage what you can and just Stitch them all together Make an effigy and stick it full of pins so you'll remember You're in this alone You made yourself a martyr And it feels so good to fall on the sword It feels so good to fall on the sword But what the fuck are we falling for Never drowning Never really drowning but never really out of the water Never drowning Never really drowning but never really out of the... Water It surrounds me Picks me up into the sky and wraps me up until I’m drowning Don’t bother to save me Let the waves take hold and change me I dove in Tried to put myself together but the pieces never fit to begin I dove in, I dove in You can’t pull somebody out If you have never known how deep they were (in)
4.
Chapter IV 03:24
I know the warning signs I know the warning signs I have ignored them in others I could have helped, but never made an effort They could have lived and never made an attempt I am the lingering promise that swears that I’ll end your pain I am the dark deep sleep you long for I crawl through tunnels that I’ve carved out carefully in your head I’m the envious longing and lust for death Move along The critics at your funeral: “how selfish can you be” Pay respect Though some’ll pity you they’re mumbling “thank god it wasn’t me” While we daydream of sleeping, the sleeping will always give way And we’re waking up just to find out that nothing has changed Oh it all stays the fucking same I know the warning signs I know the warning signs I know the warning signs I know the warning Tired but do I have a breath worth catching Try to find a silver line Line up all the pros and cons to living Tally up the reasons not to cash in and die Call it what it fucking is Cry for help Do you need the attention Chalk it up to cowardice Recreant I know how you can get it Maybe they’re right Maybe they suffer as much as us All because of us Get the chair Can some burdens take care of themselves? Does it help? Kick it out Say a prayer Spit Gone All is lost We end on our terms or end up back Gone All is lost Can’t end the cycle Just cut it in half
5.
Chapter V 03:39
If I tried to do this alone There’s no chance that I’d make it It’d bury me I depend on you You’re my home But god how it scares me to think that your patience is wearing thin Do you see it on her face, the resentment? For every time you shook her out of her sleep For every time you pushed and begged her to end it Stay with me, stay with me 'til it all passes me by I’m sorry this happens and thank you for giving me time Let me bury myself in your comfort Though I know that I’m leeching you dry Will you carry me, still call me lover Though the weight of me shows in your eyes I sense it, the increasing distance and I sense it, your exit plan forming and I sincerely fear that I’ve turned you to ice No longer your sense of warmth Stay with me, stay with me til it’s all gone You’re a shelter from storms no one sees as they’re passing And you’ve weathered me silent and thankless Never asking Patience is the only word that I seem to forget Any lesson learned is lost in the process of living in... How many times will you allow me to cut you down? Unintentional incisions bleed you dry of your time Are you wasting your life with me? Pull out my eyes Great winding stairways leading to nothing built upon something I thought would change All I need is you Please leave me here
6.
Chapter VI 03:45
Drag him from his bed String him up, string him up to the ceiling Keep him blind, keep him feeling Keep his nerves on fire, get him screaming Let his screams die out, make him quiet, make him quiet now Ten Nine Eight Seven Six Five Four Three Two One Ready or not, where the fuck will you run? I’ll burn every hiding spot down Leave no stone unturned Leave you senseless, broken and in pain Leave nothing unturned Let no shred of sanity remain Drag him from his bed String him up, string him up to the ceiling Keep him blind, keep him feeling Keep his nerves on fire, get him screaming Let his screams die out, make it hurt, make it loud
7.
Chapter VII 06:08
Ooh look at you Lying there looking so beautifully My image of eternity I yearn for you 'Cause I don't wanna move I don't wanna do anything at all I just wanna be here with you We'll fall into the grooves To the place where we can be anything at all I'll never not be right here with you I yearn for you Let's subdue the mood 'Cause I don't wanna move I don't wanna do anything at all I just wanna be here with you We'll fall into the grooves To the place where we can be anything at all I'll never not be right here with you Don't you ever leave I'll never leave you Listen to the rain, let the rain fall
8.
Chapter VIII 03:39
All the lines on the table are squirming like insects Let’s lean down and inhale them and let them decide for us Let them writhe in us Let them feast on whatever they find I’ve been told to cope I’ve been told to cope You should try therapy, try getting out of the house Change your sleep schedule, try working out Try to schedule a doctor’s appointment The pills they prescribe you could really help out You should try mixing those pills with some whiskey You should try harming yourself just to feel some control You should lock all of the doors in your house Tell your friends to fuck off cause you’re trying to cope Take what you get All the talking All the effort Nothing worked Nothing’s better All the pills All the liquor Meant to close my wounds tore them open and left me for dead It’s hard to swallow and it never ends Full up on medicine but always on empty It’s always fighting and it always wins I’ve given up but it’s relentlessly kicking I’ve been told to cope I’ve been told to cope Take what you get It’s hard to swallow and it never ends We’ve exhausted our options Took advice that was offered Meditated, medicated, chemically altered our heads It’s always fighting and it always wins We’re sedated at best Why try to deal with emotion When you can remove it and trade it for rest
9.
Chapter IX 03:32
And after all is said and done I know the problem’s internal I know the symptoms like they’re family And I can’t fend them off But I’m learning to outlast and stand it Each time gets better and it feels like they’re all losing their grip You can’t just cover this up It knows you down to the cell It’s left a mark on your tongue Can you taste it? There is a permanence here As much as knowing it hurts It’s not what all of us want But this is coming to terms If this is coming to terms, I’ve got a clause of my own If this is coming to terms, why are its claws at my throat? If this is coming to terms, we’re gonna pull through If this is coming to terms, we’re starting with you It’s getting simple I’ve got the reins in my hand It’s never quite gone but not too strong to withstand And when I hold my breath, it’s not denial of air It’s not to drown in a void It’s just a way to see clear You can’t just cover this up It knows you down to the cell It’s left a mark on your tongue Can you taste it? There is a permanence here As much as knowing it hurts It’s not what all of us want But this is coming to terms Tragedy calls you home Let the trauma, depressive instincts expand where Tragedy makes its home In the weak, in the tired, in trembling hands Tragedy takes a toll Makes its cuts where it wants to because it can Tragedy never hold Tries so desperate to cling, find its purchase but can’t You can’t just cover this up It knows you down to the cell It’s left a mark on your tongue Can you taste it? There is a permanence here As much as knowing it hurts It’s not what all of us want But this is coming to terms
10.
Chapter X 04:24
If I had to talk simply about it Well I'm sure I'd say nothing at all How the thoughts in my head get so crowded Or how everything makes me feel small How I constantly feel I'm surrounded Or feel no one's around me at all Or feel nothing Trade me anything just to feel something Take your pick Take it all We'll take hold Leave his bones as bare as our hearts We'll take hold Drain the life from him Make him empty and cold Every happy thought you have is tagged with hidden costs There's no way out I don't think you'll understand No rescue Oh, I thought we were past this Oh, I thought we were moving on Thought you'd gotten the message But I guess I was fucking wrong What's so wrong? Oh, don't get in your head There is solace in this depression It's the only thing that's permanent When everyone leaves you Let nothing deceive you We'll always be here by your side Ain't it something? Even now, when you swear you've got nothing We're still buried inside My colors will stay the same But my shades will bloom from grey to grey This smothered state of change Will rearrange me grey to grey What's so wrong? Oh, don't get in your head There is solace in this depression It's the only thing that's permanent When everyone leaves you Let nothing deceive you We'll always be here by your side Ain't it something? Even now, when you swear you've got nothing We're still buried inside If I had to talk simply about it Well I'm sure I'd say nothing at all How the thoughts in my head get so crowded Or how everything makes me feel small How I constantly feel I'm surrounded Or feel no one's around me at all Or feel nothing Trade me anything just to feel something Take your pick Take it all

credits

released September 22, 2017

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SUFFERER California

Detailing a day in the life of a Sufferer, with three vocalists portraying the Subject, his Anxiety, and his Depression.

35% of everything this project ever makes will go directly to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA)

Sufferer is:
-Forrest Wright
-Cory Lockwood
-Shane Gann
-Blake Dahlinger
... more

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