1. |
Chapter I
01:23
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If I’m happy in dreams but it fades with the day...
Is it gone? Is it gone? Is it gone?
If I chase it, fall asleep and pray I never have to wake...
Is it wrong? Am I wrong? Am I wrong?
The moment has passed, something whispers, the dream has decayed…
Is it God? Are you God? If you’re God…
Deliver me, carry me, leave me alone, let me sleep
I can’t tell what I want
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2. |
Chapter II
02:28
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If I could fall back to sleep, just for a second
If I could just close my eyes, when will I...
Wake the fuck up
Don't wake up hopeful, it won't stay
Don't plan your day out, things will change
No, nothing's constant but some things still feel like they are
And those don't go away
Don't move
Don't stray an inch from your fucking room
Though the world is vast, it has no place for you
It has no place for weak-willed attention-seeking victims
You're better off kept to yourself
They all know
I know it's private
I know it doesn't last, it's just a frame of mind and I can hide it
I know if people ask or if they start to sense that I seem withdrawn
I can deny it
If you deny it, it just comes back
Shows on your face, in the way that you act
If you deny it, it just comes back
Shows in your voice when your words start to...
Crack the door wide open
(Leave it shut)
Take a step
Take a breath
Just suck it all up
(You're bound to fuck it all up)
There's an audience watching and
They all know
I
I slip through crowds and cities, pass through like vapor
Please don't take notice, meet my gaze or remark
I'm only trying not to stand out
Or cross a line
(Once you cross the line, it crosses you out)
I tear through every wall as though it were paper
I hunt you down and hold your face to the mirror
Is it distorted has it twisted your features
They all know
Stay in
Where the walls can contain you
Stay in
Where the covers protect you (no one’s coming to get you)
Stay in
Where the doors never open
Stay in
No one's coming to get you
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3. |
Chapter III
04:24
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Breaking through the normalcy
The panic makes its entrance
New glass upon the floor, it only mingles with the old
How can I feel so fucking guarded
And be totally defenseless
Parts of me are burning
Parts of me are cold
A part of me feels so goddamn apart from me
It's scaring me
Try to pull myself together
Gain composure
Take a breath and just hold it, hold it
Now exhale
I am in control and if I wait, the feeling passes
Now hold up, just hold up
Though this newly founded confidence is admirable
It's tattered and it's frayed and now it's standing in my way
So just cut the act
No one has their life together
No one has it figured out
But they all make the best of it while you take the worst parts and
Stitch them all together
Make an effigy and stick it full of pins so you'll remember
You're in this alone
You made yourself a martyr
And it feels so good to fall on the sword
It feels so good to fall on the sword
But what the fuck are we falling for
Breaking through the confidence
The panic grabs a hold of my neck
And drags me through the shatters closer to the door
Whether it's an entrance or an exit is up to you, it mentions
Parts of me are screaming
Some part of me can't make out a word
I can't make out a word
I can't make out a word
Paranoid and nauseous, I collapse
We’ve got him right where we want him
Keep it up, keep it up, keep it up now
Tear his fucking heart from his chest
Right out
Make a run for it
Salvage what you can and just
Stitch them all together
Make an effigy and stick it full of pins so you'll remember
You're in this alone
You made yourself a martyr
And it feels so good to fall on the sword
It feels so good to fall on the sword
But what the fuck are we falling for
Never drowning
Never really drowning but never really out of the water
Never drowning
Never really drowning but never really out of the...
Water
It surrounds me
Picks me up into the sky and wraps me up until I’m drowning
Don’t bother to save me
Let the waves take hold and change me
I dove in
Tried to put myself together but the pieces never fit to begin
I dove in, I dove in
You can’t pull somebody out
If you have never known how deep they were
(in)
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4. |
Chapter IV
03:24
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I know the warning signs
I know the warning signs
I have ignored them in others
I could have helped, but never made an effort
They could have lived and never made an attempt
I am the lingering promise that swears that I’ll end your pain
I am the dark deep sleep you long for
I crawl through tunnels that I’ve carved out carefully in your head
I’m the envious longing and lust for death
Move along
The critics at your funeral: “how selfish can you be”
Pay respect
Though some’ll pity you they’re mumbling “thank god it wasn’t me”
While we daydream of sleeping, the sleeping will always give way
And we’re waking up just to find out that nothing has changed
Oh it all stays the fucking same
I know the warning signs
I know the warning signs
I know the warning signs
I know the warning
Tired but do I have a breath worth catching
Try to find a silver line
Line up all the pros and cons to living
Tally up the reasons not to cash in and die
Call it what it fucking is
Cry for help
Do you need the attention
Chalk it up to cowardice
Recreant
I know how you can get it
Maybe they’re right
Maybe they suffer as much as us
All because of us
Get the chair
Can some burdens take care of themselves?
Does it help?
Kick it out
Say a prayer
Spit
Gone
All is lost
We end on our terms or end up back
Gone
All is lost
Can’t end the cycle
Just cut it in half
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5. |
Chapter V
03:39
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If I tried to do this alone
There’s no chance that I’d make it
It’d bury me
I depend on you
You’re my home
But god how it scares me to think that your patience is wearing thin
Do you see it on her face, the resentment?
For every time you shook her out of her sleep
For every time you pushed and begged her to end it
Stay with me, stay with me 'til it all passes me by
I’m sorry this happens and thank you for giving me time
Let me bury myself in your comfort
Though I know that I’m leeching you dry
Will you carry me, still call me lover
Though the weight of me shows in your eyes
I sense it, the increasing distance and
I sense it, your exit plan forming and
I sincerely fear that I’ve turned you to ice
No longer your sense of warmth
Stay with me, stay with me til it’s all gone
You’re a shelter from storms no one sees as they’re passing
And you’ve weathered me silent and thankless
Never asking
Patience is the only word that I seem to forget
Any lesson learned is lost in the process of living in...
How many times will you allow me to cut you down?
Unintentional incisions bleed you dry of your time
Are you wasting your life with me?
Pull out my eyes
Great winding stairways leading to nothing built upon something I thought would change
All I need is you
Please leave me here
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6. |
Chapter VI
03:45
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Drag him from his bed
String him up, string him up to the ceiling
Keep him blind, keep him feeling
Keep his nerves on fire, get him screaming
Let his screams die out, make him quiet, make him quiet now
Ten
Nine
Eight
Seven
Six
Five
Four
Three
Two
One
Ready or not, where the fuck will you run?
I’ll burn every hiding spot down
Leave no stone unturned
Leave you senseless, broken and in pain
Leave nothing unturned
Let no shred of sanity remain
Drag him from his bed
String him up, string him up to the ceiling
Keep him blind, keep him feeling
Keep his nerves on fire, get him screaming
Let his screams die out, make it hurt, make it loud
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7. |
Chapter VII
06:08
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Ooh look at you
Lying there looking so beautifully
My image of eternity
I yearn for you
'Cause I don't wanna move
I don't wanna do anything at all
I just wanna be here with you
We'll fall into the grooves
To the place where we can be anything at all
I'll never not be right here with you
I yearn for you
Let's subdue the mood
'Cause I don't wanna move
I don't wanna do anything at all
I just wanna be here with you
We'll fall into the grooves
To the place where we can be anything at all
I'll never not be right here with you
Don't you ever leave
I'll never leave you
Listen to the rain, let the rain fall
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8. |
Chapter VIII
03:39
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All the lines on the table are squirming like insects
Let’s lean down and inhale them and let them decide for us
Let them writhe in us
Let them feast on whatever they find
I’ve been told to cope
I’ve been told to cope
You should try therapy, try getting out of the house
Change your sleep schedule, try working out
Try to schedule a doctor’s appointment
The pills they prescribe you could really help out
You should try mixing those pills with some whiskey
You should try harming yourself just to feel some control
You should lock all of the doors in your house
Tell your friends to fuck off cause you’re trying to cope
Take what you get
All the talking
All the effort
Nothing worked
Nothing’s better
All the pills
All the liquor
Meant to close my wounds tore them open and left me for dead
It’s hard to swallow and it never ends
Full up on medicine but always on empty
It’s always fighting and it always wins
I’ve given up but it’s relentlessly kicking
I’ve been told to cope
I’ve been told to cope
Take what you get
It’s hard to swallow and it never ends
We’ve exhausted our options
Took advice that was offered
Meditated, medicated, chemically altered our heads
It’s always fighting and it always wins
We’re sedated at best
Why try to deal with emotion
When you can remove it and trade it for rest
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9. |
Chapter IX
03:32
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And after all is said and done
I know the problem’s internal
I know the symptoms like they’re family
And I can’t fend them off
But I’m learning to outlast and stand it
Each time gets better and it feels like they’re all losing their grip
You can’t just cover this up
It knows you down to the cell
It’s left a mark on your tongue
Can you taste it?
There is a permanence here
As much as knowing it hurts
It’s not what all of us want
But this is coming to terms
If this is coming to terms, I’ve got a clause of my own
If this is coming to terms, why are its claws at my throat?
If this is coming to terms, we’re gonna pull through
If this is coming to terms, we’re starting with you
It’s getting simple
I’ve got the reins in my hand
It’s never quite gone but not too strong to withstand
And when I hold my breath, it’s not denial of air
It’s not to drown in a void
It’s just a way to see clear
You can’t just cover this up
It knows you down to the cell
It’s left a mark on your tongue
Can you taste it?
There is a permanence here
As much as knowing it hurts
It’s not what all of us want
But this is coming to terms
Tragedy calls you home
Let the trauma, depressive instincts expand where
Tragedy makes its home
In the weak, in the tired, in trembling hands
Tragedy takes a toll
Makes its cuts where it wants to because it can
Tragedy never hold
Tries so desperate to cling, find its purchase but can’t
You can’t just cover this up
It knows you down to the cell
It’s left a mark on your tongue
Can you taste it?
There is a permanence here
As much as knowing it hurts
It’s not what all of us want
But this is coming to terms
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10. |
Chapter X
04:24
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If I had to talk simply about it
Well I'm sure I'd say nothing at all
How the thoughts in my head get so crowded
Or how everything makes me feel small
How I constantly feel I'm surrounded
Or feel no one's around me at all
Or feel nothing
Trade me anything just to feel something
Take your pick
Take it all
We'll take hold
Leave his bones as bare as our hearts
We'll take hold
Drain the life from him
Make him empty and cold
Every happy thought you have is tagged with hidden costs
There's no way out
I don't think you'll understand
No rescue
Oh, I thought we were past this
Oh, I thought we were moving on
Thought you'd gotten the message
But I guess I was fucking wrong
What's so wrong?
Oh, don't get in your head
There is solace in this depression
It's the only thing that's permanent
When everyone leaves you
Let nothing deceive you
We'll always be here by your side
Ain't it something?
Even now, when you swear you've got nothing
We're still buried inside
My colors will stay the same
But my shades will bloom from grey to grey
This smothered state of change
Will rearrange me grey to grey
What's so wrong?
Oh, don't get in your head
There is solace in this depression
It's the only thing that's permanent
When everyone leaves you
Let nothing deceive you
We'll always be here by your side
Ain't it something?
Even now, when you swear you've got nothing
We're still buried inside
If I had to talk simply about it
Well I'm sure I'd say nothing at all
How the thoughts in my head get so crowded
Or how everything makes me feel small
How I constantly feel I'm surrounded
Or feel no one's around me at all
Or feel nothing
Trade me anything just to feel something
Take your pick
Take it all
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SUFFERER California
Detailing a day in the life of a Sufferer, with three vocalists portraying the Subject, his Anxiety, and his
Depression.
35% of everything this project ever makes will go directly to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA)
Sufferer is:
-Forrest Wright
-Cory Lockwood
-Shane Gann
-Blake Dahlinger
... more
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